Midnight musings on morality part II: Ned Stark, Abraham Lincoln, and the Piglet Apocalypse

For the world is in a bad state, but everything will become still worse unless each of us does his best.

So, let us be alert—alert in a twofold sense: 

Since Auschwitz we know what man is capable of.

And since Hiroshima we know what is at stake.

  -Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

On Friday night, right after I’d posted my story of being a failure of a pig hunter, we heard dogs in the forest. One of them ran along the border of our property, barking and whining into the distance. And then, from about 9pm-midnight we heard the futile call of the hunter yelling, "EHHHH---EHHHH—EHHH” while the dog whimpered a barely audible reply from deep in the forest. Then again at 6am, “EHHH--- EHHHH—EHHH.” This time there was no response from the dog.

I happened to run into the hunter yesterday, who said his best dog took off after a huge pig in a swampy area. That swamp is behind my house, and that huge pig is, almost without a doubt, my nightly friend. Because I didn’t kill her when I had the chance, this hunter lost his best dog.

If my pig lives three more years (average life-span is 4-5 years in the wild), at the average feral reproduction rate she will have 24 offspring. If half of them survive to maturity, and half of them are females, they will collectively produce 144 more piglets over three years. Nine more years with a 50% survival rate, and we’re at more than 36,000 eco-system destroying descendants of my matriarchal night-time visitor. If it sounds like a zombie apocalypse, that’s because it is. Caused by me. Without intensive hunting, Kaua’i will be over-run by feral pigs.

But, the pig reproduction rate is a future hypothetical based on compound growth. Watching a hunter as he calls in vain for Junior, his lost dog, isn’t. While I wrote last week about my moral failings, I never expected to actually be confronted by their impacts.

You've heard of the nuclear football, yeah? It’s the infamous briefcase that is always near the president which contains nuclear launch codes. In case some despotic country launches nuclear weapons at the US, we will launch back enough war-heads to obliterate them. Because a retaliatory strike could, in an instant, wipe out millions of innocent lives (and possibly all of humanity), I recently read about a nuclear deterrence proposal that the nuclear launch codes should be in a metal capsule near the heart of a volunteer. Not their heart in a metaphysical way—I mean the muscle with the chambers that pumps blood through your body. That volunteer would have to stay near the POTUS at all times with a briefcase. Except, in the briefcase is only a knife. If nuclear war comes, the President would have to be prepared to stab the man in the chest and cut his heart out in order to get the nuclear launch codes. The brutal purpose of the act would be to ensure that if we ever launch a nuclear weapon, the President would have to have first-hand involvement in the brutality of the decision. If you’re not prepared to cut an innocent man’s heart out, you’re not prepared to launch a nuclear weapon.

Quick, name five historical figures other than Jesus Christ who have had an outsize impact on the world. Here’s my five—Alexander the Great, Ghengis Khan, Napoleon Bonaparte, Abraham Lincoln, and Adolph Hitler.  What do they all have in common? They killed a lot of people. Except for Abraham Lincoln, none of those men would be considered heroes of morality. They changed the world out of sheer brutality and in vain pursuit of glory. 

But, what about the good one? While Abraham Lincoln is widely considered our greatest president— his insistence on fighting the south to a complete surrender resulted in the deaths of 2% of the population of America (equivalent to 6 million people today). How many of us would be prepared to sacrifice 1 in 50 people for the simple idea that “government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.” Yet, does anyone alive (white supremecists don’t count) make the argument that Lincoln made a mistake by going to war? Or that that the cost was too high? The calculation of Abraham Lincoln was that democracy and abolition (though that came second) were worth sacrificing the country for. Yet, he is considered the greatest democratic leader in history because he took a moral calculation and acted on it.

As I argued last week, despite everything I've written for the last few years, there is always a right choice and a wrong choice. But, like my experience with the pig, indecision is a lot easier than slicing a jugular. Which is why I'll soon have 36,000 pigs outside my fence, why congress has stalled, and why our Kaua'i County Council is perpetually debating barking dogs, open space, and term limits. What about our limits to growth? Traffic solutions? The campaign promises to support local ag? We're fighting over ideology and nobody wants to get blood on their hands.

As Jon Stewart said last night in his final epic rant:

But then there's the more pernicious bullshit. Your premeditated, institutional bullshit, designed to obscure and distract. Designed by whom? The bullshitocracy… These bullshitters cover their unwillingness to act under the guise of unending inquiry. We can't do anything because we don't yet know everything. We cannot take action on climate change, until everyone in the world agrees gay-marriage vaccines won't cause our children to marry goats, who are going to come for our guns. Until then, I say it leads to controversy. 

If I learned one thing watching last night's GOP debate, it's that we love bullshit. John Kasich was like the smart kid with all the right answers, but nobody was paying attention because the asshole in the back of the class with the perpetual smirk and crazy hair was drunk again. Who's fault is that? In our zest for reality TV, hockey fights, and NASCAR car crashes-- divisiveness, controversy, and theatrics win every time. And we accomplish… nothing.

In the final words of John Stewart: "The best defense against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something."

In this election season, I'm looking for the candidate who will wipe the feral pig blood off of their left hand before placing it on Plato's Republic to be sworn into office.

But, as this guy showed us, that type of person doesn't last very long in politics. 

If you don't know who this is, you are missing out on the greatest show ever made. Drop whatever you're doing. Stop listening to Donald Trump's head inflate and go watch Game of Thrones instead.